Dear Universe (2)

Two things:

1) Thank you for removing the kindergartener from my tutoring service. I knew we were on the same page. Now, please do not replace him with another one.

2) It has been exactly one year since the accident that fractured both of my wrists. Besides this worm of a scar on my wrist (which I can actually see shrinking - finally!) and a few funny stories about what it's like to have two broken wrists at the same time, it's like it never happened. Nice. But Universe, I will never take my functioning joints for granted again. Thanks again.

The Mirror

I have been brainstorming for a commentary on Michael Jackson's song "Man in the Mirror" for months, maybe even a whole year. I was first reminded of this song when it was used in a unity promotional film for my alma mater last spring (the film panned through the whole school, weaving through clubs and teams and different social groups in the quad, all singing the lyrics in unison. It was awesome.) Last fall when I saw the documentary on MJ's last rehearsals, This Is It, I was moved to start collecting songs for a new classroom soundtrack to be used the next time I have students of my own. (3 years ago I created one such soundtrack for my middle schoolers that was inspired by India.Arie's "Beautiful Flower.")

First, the lyrics to the song (listen along! it's on the player at the bottom of this blog!)

Gonna make a change for once in my life.
It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right.
As I turned up the collar on my favorite winter coat, this wind it blowin' my mind.
I see the kids in the street without enough to eat, who am I to be blind pretending not to see their needs?
A summer's disregard, a broken bottle's top, and one man's soul.
They follow each other on the wind, ya know, 'cause they got nowhere to go.
That's why I want you to know,
I'm starting with the man in the mirror.
I'm asking him to change his ways.
And no message could have been any clearer:
If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.
I've been the victim of a selfish kind of love.
It's time that I realize there are some with no home, not a nickle to loan, could it be (really be) pretending that they're not alone.
A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart, and a washed out dream - they follow the pattern of the wind ya see, 'cause they got nowhere to be.
That's why I'm starting with me!
I'm starting with the man in the mirror.
I'm asking him to change his ways.
And no message could have been any clearer:
If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change. You gotta get it right while you got the time, 'cause when you close your heart then you close your mind.
...
Just lift yourself, you know, you got to stop it yourself.
Stand up and lift yourself now.
Make that change.

One of the cornerstones of my teaching philosophy is to encourage student growth and responsibility and guide my students toward lives as socially conscious citizens and overall good people. I see my work as a chance to inspire new generations to travel the world, live with a wide perspective, volunteer and think about someone other than themselves. High schoolers in general are very selfish people because their experience and range of understanding rarely extends beyond their own school or small community. I see my job as a chance to give them something else to consider, some other way to look at the global community. I see teaching as my best chance to change the world.

Many teachers are fond of the Gandhi quotation "Be the change you wish to see in the world" because it encourages people to make individual effort toward global goals. The hardest part of that idea, however, is figuring out exactly which changes matter most to you. There are a lot of problems in the world. Disease, disaster, social injustice, poverty, hunger - they are all huge concepts that are difficult to understand and solve. The question each of us should start with, then, is this: What injustice can I do something about first? What do I care about most in my own life?

For example, I think that having clear vision is a basic human right. I know firsthand how much of a difference a simple pair of eyeglasses can make in the way someone gets through their day; eyeglasses should not be a luxury. So I donate my old perscription glasses to Unite For Sight (http://www.uniteforsight.org/) and they are sent to people who need glasses but can't afford them or access proper optomotrist's care. It's an easy way I can help out an issue I see in the world.

"Service does not mean self-sacrafice. It means giving the needs of another person the same priority as our own." (Williamson 173)

What makes me more important than anyone else on this earth? What makes me entitled to a better home or food or health? Maybe I can't solve world hunger or AIDS or tsunamis and earthquakes. I'm not a divine being. I do not have spidey-powers. But even if I can't solve the problem at large, I CAN make a huge difference in the life of another person. There are 4 families in Argentina right now who have homes because I helped build them (http://www.habitat.org/). There are at least half a dozen people out there who can see better and function better in their lives because my glasses allow them to focus. There are seniors in San Diego who have food because I helped to sort it at a distribution center and food bank for impoverished elders in the community (http://www.theangelsdepot.org/). I can start with myself. I can make a difference.

"Our needs are not separate. If we contribute to another person's pain, it will always come back to haunt us. If we do what we can to help them, someone will always come around to do the same for us. It's not enough to sit idly by while others hurt, using the catchphrase 'It's not my responsibility'... as an excuse for a selfish stance." (Williamson 168)

If I can do something to help another person, isn't it my moral obligation to do it? It's so easy to fall into selfish behavior. So far, I have not made a donation to help the victims of the earthquakes in Haiti or Chile. I should, but I haven't. I could, but I haven't. I am preoccupied by the money right now. Even though I've found pretty consistent sub work this year and have some income from tutoring, I'm worried that a full time position will not be available for the next year (or maybe two or three) and I don't want to give up the lifestyle I have now. I want to be able to buy cute shoes and new clothes and hardback books. It is selfish of me and I know it. I could justify myself all day long, but that doesn't make it less selfish that I am not doing more to help people who have endured unspeakable tragedy and are in need of real assistance. As MJ says, "Who am I to be blind, pretending not to see their needs?"

http://www.redcross.org/

Dear Universe

I thought we already talked about this whole teaching-me-a-lesson-about-patience thing when I had to spend 6 weeks teaching rowdy 8th graders last semester! We're supposed to be even, universe! Remember? I decided to change my thinking and RIGHT THEN you (Universe) got me out of that job. Everything worked out!

But now...

In January I took a job teaching reading to students in grades 4, 5, and 6. This was a stretch for me but I needed something that could pay bills more consistently than subbing sometimes does. Ugh. I'm really not built to work with the young ones. I don't sing songs or do little dances. Ew. Gross.

And now -AND NOW! - Now I've been assigned two new students who don't even really qualify as youngin's or littluns. One kindergartener and one first grader. 5 and 6 years old! OMG. I'm gonna die.

First this: How can a kindergartener be considered "behind" in reading? How is that even possible?

Second: I teach HIGH SCHOOL. The kids I work with are 10 years older than the babies I'm supposed to practice letters with now.

When I was first assigned these embryonic students, Joe suggested that I should just think of them as "older Eva"s... I'm gonna have to try...

Wish me luck!

26

If you've never heard of a quarterlife crisis or are murky on its meaning, it may be useful (and entertaining) to check this out first: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

There is a common misconception that the so-called "quarter-life crisis" happens when a woman turns 25. This is a myth. In my experience, the true crisis starts when a woman hits 26. To most (men) it will seem like a difference of details. One year. Not a big deal. But in the lives of the women I know, it is the most significant shift so far. Congratulations, 25 year-olds, you can rest easy for one additional year.

26, however, is when photos of engagement rings, weddings, and preggo bellies become suddenly (and disturbingly for some of us) dominant on a girl's Facebook NewsFeed. 26 is when your ability to claim that you are still in your "early twenties" is officially over.

The crisis begins at 25 when a woman realizes that her high-school-self imagined her 25-year-old-self would be in a very different place by now. (My high-school-self, for example, earnestly believed that my 25-year-old-self would be married to a handsome and truly fabulous man, would be teaching full time, and would have one - maybe 2 - babies.) The crisis is averted at 25, though, because even though the woman does not have all the things she "thought she wanted" she has realized that grown up life is different than she'd expected and she is still, officially, in her "early twenties" anyway. No cause for panic. Still another year or two before she should be concerned.

But then, one by one, a woman's friends start falling off the cliff and into their decidedly

adult lives. There are weddings. There are babies. There are awesome jobs and interesting vacations. These things have all been happening for years, officially, but the woman was able to justify them in her mind as the "early ones." That friend who got married at 20 was religious... or pregnant... which also explains the babies. But at 26 it no longer seems unreasonable for so many of a woman's friends to be engaged/married/cohabitating/preggo/fabulous. And the issue is really in the sheer ABUNDANCE of bridal shower and baby shower and house warming gifts she is heading to the store to buy. (Respectively, mixing bowls and colorful utensils, a whale of a tub, awesome wine.)

The crisis is fueled when a woman realizes, possibly for the first time, that Hollywood's new talent is all younger than she is. Hottie McHottie Vampire RPattz is - what?!?!? - 23 years old! Zac Efron is 22. Miley Cyrus was born in the 90s for pete's sake! Seriously?? And the one I was the most upset by for reasons I cannot explain - Scarlet Johansson is a full year and a half younger than I am. (Sincere relief washed over my whole body when I read that Zooey Deschanel, who I love and would look like if I could, is 30. Whew!)

Suddenly, the job you have that isn't perfect is just a symptom of everything else in your life that isn't perfect. Suddenly it's no longer okay to date Mr. Right Now because the excuse "I'm not looking for a husband right now" doesn't seem as reasonable as it did at 22. Suddenly the women who are in relationships wonder if those are the right relationships and if there is a proposal on the horizon. The married ones want babies. The ones with babies wonder why they aren't still out partying with their friends and enjoying what's left of their 20s.

This is not an exaggeration at all - I could put a name of a specific person I know with each one of these situations. At 25 two of my friends were waiting for engagement rings in relationships that had last several years already. By 26 they would both be married. At 25 two different friends both began trying for babies. Both succeeded, followed closely by one who had just turned 26 and all had babies by age 27. This has left the rest of my friends in their 26th years with the persistent question, "Did I miss the boat or something?"

I really can't answer that question for anyone but myself. I know that personally, I wasn't as ready for my grown-up life at 22 as I would've claimed I was. I know that the soul searching I did at 25 helped me clarify myself and my priorities by the time I turned 26. I know my mom began dating my dad at 26. I know I'm happy even though most of the things I imagined for myself 10 years ago are not part of the real life I'm living now. Or maybe I'm only thinking about all of this because I've read two chicklit books in a row in the last 2 weeks.

The Circus

Last week I posted many facebook status updates that included words like "packing," "homeless," and "being kicked out of house and home." For this reason I received several concerned messages about whether or not I was moving from my mom's house or if something dramatic had happened. Here is the answer:

Termites took over and needed to be eradicated.

Life Like Fiction

Happiness isn't entertaining. What I mean is that being happy isn't interesting to write about. It doesn't create intrigue or suspense. It doesn't make good TV or movies. No one goes to the theatre to see happy people, they go to see drama and passion and obstacles and action. Unhappy people, or maybe I should say unsatisfied people, are the ones with the excitement, the gossip, the STORIES. People who are unsatisfied have things to write about because every event could be the first stone on a path toward satisfaction. The pursuit of happiness involves a twisted cast of players whose every action and reaction can be analyzed, dissected, observed and written about. Heartache is ever-changing and evolving.

Happiness, on the other hand, is relatively stagnant. It's wonderful and fantastic and beautiful and full of glitter and hearts and roses. It's great and I'm not complaining. But it's also calm and certain and stable. I am currently happy with consistancy. Because of this overall sense of happiness, I don't feel the urge to write about what's going on in my head nearly as much. There is no necessity for "working things out in writing." How many hours can I legitimately spend expressing joy? Answer: Not half as many as I can spend ruminating on situations that confuse or frustrate me. Writers be honest: An ambiguous text message is a much better muse than a sweet one.

So herein lies the problem.

Six or seven months ago I was truly inspired to start a novel. Between my own experiences and those of my book club friends, I had plenty of material to start a novel about modern dating life in a metropolitan (but not exactly centralized) city like San Diego. I used my time almost exclusively to read, write, and "collect ideas" about the difficulties of dating in a time when meeting a potential life partner in an organic way seems less and less likely every year. The characters were fabulous reincarnations of people I know whose statuses ranged from happily married and pregnant to dating like mad. The plan was to write about relationships in all stages and create insightful situations to express the frustrations of trying to find real, lasting happiness.

But then the worst possible thing happened to my plans - I got Plans instead. Dating someone takes all the fun out of writing funny but bitter anecdotes about dating. Suddenly instead of writing about relationships and love and the desire for intimacy, I was curled up with Plans enjoying the honeymoon months of a brand new romance. Writing and even reading have dropped down to minor priorities and the ideas I had about ridiculous pick-up lines, speed dating, wine tastings and meetings for SD Young Professionals were part of a distant memory of plans gone by.

Still, I know it can be done. Happily married people still have successful careers as authors, right? Maybe in a few months the inspiration will spark again. Maybe Plans will do something annoying or we'll pass the honeymoon stage and I'll be able to concentrate on incorporating the story about the home-tattooed, unemployed, divorced, scummy guy who hit on my friend the other day into a relatable narrative describing the Pursuit of Passion in the Big Bad World of Dating.

Eat, Pray, Love: Indonesia

(I probably should postpone my last Eat, Pray, Love post until mid-February as my book club has decided to swap our original February selection for this book and now all of my favorite quotes and ideas are already advertised, but oh well. Indonesia is more quotes I love and don't have commentary on anyway.)

Page 260

...people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leak away your innate contentment.

I love this idea. Happiness is absolutely a right for everyone, but that doesn't mean that everyone gets it. Not everyone chooses to be happy. Not everyone puts in the effort necessary to find their own happiness or maintain it. How sad but also revolutionary.

All the sorrow and trouble of this world is caused by unhappy people.

This is even worse! Just as sneezes and yawns and hiccups are contagious, our attitudes are, too. When you are around a person who complains a lot, sometimes the tendency is to compete for the spotlight. "You think that's bad? Well I have a story about something that happened to me that's worse!" Girls do this a lot because we talk and compare and rate just about everything. "Oh, your boyfriend is being a jackass? Well let me tell you about this guy I dated who was more of a jackass than your jackass!" We constantly reinforce the mood around us. Attitude is our own fault. We choose to enjoy our lives or complain about them. (This is even more reinforced by things like Facebook that ask people to post their "status" on a weekly, daily or sometimes hourly basis. I find that I look forward to reading what my positive friends have to say, whether it be about how much they enjoy their jobs, the funny things their kids have done, or some random positive thing they found about their day. On the other hand, it becomes wearisome to constantly read updates from friends who use their Facebook to status to complain about everything from the weather to the traffic.)

Page 262

The karmic philosophy appeals to me on a metaphorical level because even in one lifetime it's obvious how often we must repeat our same mistakes, banging our heads against the same old addictions and compulsions, generating the same old miserable and often catastrophic consequences, until we can finally stop and fix it. This is the supreme lesson of karma (and also of Western psychology, by the way) -- take care of the problems now, of else you'll just have to suffer again later when you screw everything up the next time. And that repetition of suffering -- that's hell. Moving out of that endless repetition to a new level of understanding -- there's where you'll find heaven.

Page 325

The Yogic sages say that all the pain of human life is caused by words, as is all the joy.

As a teacher of language who spends abundant time literally jumping up and down trying to convince 15 year-olds that words are important, ALL words are important, I am in love with this quote. I will most likely make my next poor class do a journal on it. What a profound idea. Maybe I'll even turn it into a placard in my classroom or a pillow in my house. Ugh. LOVE it!

Eat, Pray, Love: India (Soulmates)

Page 149

Liz's friend Richard on soul mates:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.

This is exactly how I have always thought of soul mates. I believe that people are brought into your life at certain times for specific reasons. There are some people who stay with you because they can constantly continue to teach you things. Soul mates are people who understand you, at the most basic level, completely and immediately.

You may not understand right away why you are drawn to a particular person. People think soul mates are romantic, and how lucky it is when they are, but I think soul mates are people who are connected in a way that is totally unrelated to romantic love. Soul mates are people who challenge us, who see through to the parts of ourselves we don't want to face and make us face them. Soul mates force us to see ourselves. I had a soul mate a few years ago who forced me to see that I was approaching romance in a way that would never yield the results I said I wanted. He was in my life for just 2 months and he ripped me wide open. It was heart-wrenching. But he changed the way I thought about a lot of my own goals and ideals. He served his purpose in my life and then he was gone. I think it happens like this a lot.