Balance

As I mentioned in the last post, I've been spending some time teaching middle school. The position is covering a teacher who is out on medical leave and could potentially go on for several months beyond the original October-November dates I was given. This is both good and scary. I find the management issues of middle school exhausting with very little of the reward I get from teaching high school. I'm trying - really, I am - to find the positive side of 8th grade so that I don't let this job suck all the energy, positivity, and joy out of me. Most days I just feel drained and defeated by 3:30 and on a couple of occasions I have had to actively stop myself from crying as soon as the kids left. I am meant to be a teacher. I know that. But middle school teachers are saints and I am definitely not a saint. The goal over the next week is to find balance, to adjust my perspective on the situation so that I can gain whatever professional and personal lessons the universe intends for me in this position. The job has been extended beyond the original 7 weeks - that must mean I haven't learned the lessons I was meant to yet. Okay, Universe, bring it on. I'm ready.

Teaching in general is good, though. I'm teaching Language Arts and History, a first for me. I never knew so much about early American history in my life. It's kind of fun since it's a subject I actually enjoy but never have explored with students before. I'm also getting a more in-depth background of teaching grammar than I've had before. Plus the bright side of teaching middle school? No one ever mistakes me for a student on campus. And the lesson planning is straight forward. And I get to go on a field trip next week. And it's a consistent paycheck. Bright side. Bright side. Bright side.

Everything else in my life seems to be in place and splendid and wonderful. Family is great. I feel healthy. I have great friends and I get to see them regularly. (Or at least some of them.)

And Plans. I have Plans. And Plans makes me feel so calm and positive and optimistic and happy that I can't even explain it. Plans is easy and makes me feel like everything that frustrates me or confuses me or worries me will just work out because that's the way it should be. Plans makes me excited for the future. Plans makes me feel hopeful. I always thought, when I was out there in the world trying to make it happen and trying to force something where there was nothing, that it really shouldn't be so hard. I knew, intuitively deep down, that it was supposed to feel easy (at least at the beginning). And it is. Plans proves that for me. It's just easy. And it has been easy since the beginning. It just works. That's the way it's supposed to be. What else could I ask for?