Reminders

I spent today subbing 6th grade math/science at a school I spent 2 days in last month. By a stroke of luck one of my blocks was the exact group of kids I had last month and it's always fun to have students you recognize (one of the luxuries not usually associated with substituting). The crazy part was that when these students saw me in the hallway they all cried, "Hi Ms. Cocita!" and were really excited to see me. I had them for a cumulative total of about 3 hours more than 4 weeks ago. But they remembered my name. And they were happy to see me. Wow. How little it takes to remind me why I do what I do.

A couple weeks ago I ran into 3 former students all in the same night. The same thing. Of course I expect these students to remember me, but it always fills me with warmth and fulfillment I can't totally explain to hear a student say, "We really miss you!" or "We talk about you all the time." or "You were my favorite teacher." And that's what happens when I run into students at the grocery store or outside Barnes & Noble. This is why I do what I do.

In case I needed any more reminders, I rediscovered this article from Oprah magazine that brought me to balling tears the first time I read it. I am a teacher. I change lives. This is how I know: To Sir, With Love.

Happy

It feels weird to just say it like this, but right now I'm really happy. For months I've been trying to be upbeat, positive, and optimistic. I was really trying to live in a way that would bring positive results. Fall was kind of rough because of the whole no-real-job thing, but Argentina realigned my priorities. When I got back I really started to take my vow to pursue the life I really want to live and take opportunities as they become available more seriously. Now it feels like everything is coming together and my life is beginning to look the way I've wanted it to for a long time. Here are some reasons for my current good mood:

* Social Life - I'm reconnecting with old friends via the book club. I've repaired an old friendship recently. I'm going to my third Young Dems event this week and am starting to feel more comfortable doing this on my own. My credential friends (The Divas) and I have established a pattern and are actually seeing each other with relative frequency. I feel like I'm doing things.

* Work - I actually got two days of sub work last week. One more and I will have worked more in February than all of January already. I don't really like single-day substituting because of my theory that it's basically the same thing as waking up and realizing that the naked-at-school dream is your actual life, but at least it's work. Plus, every day I'm one day closer to my second long-term position and I'm really looking forward to that.

* Reading - All this time I spend not working means a lot of time to read. I've been reading a lot of political news and this week I actually read a book again (the first in a while - The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta). I always find that I'm calmer, happier, and generally more amiable when I have a book to read. Reading centers me. This book club is part of that, too. Plus it makes me feel smart.

* Music - I'm actually playing my instrument again. After years of talking about wanting to go back to it, I've actually started practicing and I already notice some of the ability coming back. Don't get me wrong, at this point I completely suck in comparison to what I used to be able to do, but I don't care because I really enjoy it. Seriously. I can play about an octave and a half and overall it sounds pretty bad but I'm just so freakin' happy the whole time that it doesn't even matter.

* Exercise - I'm really proud of myself for how much work I've been doing. I feel healthy and happy that I'm doing something for myself. I worked out 6 times this week. That's awesome!

Last year I told my students that if I didn't get a full time contract I would spend this year doing all the things I don't have the time or energy to do when I'm teaching. It now feels completely true. I'm just so HAPPY! Leave comments, that makes me happy, too. Oh! And listen to all the new songs on the playlist I added. :)

Book Club

Okay, so I'm totally excited. Ever since I got back from Argentina I've been totally obsessed with Facebook, a phenomenon that has not been true of my life since the last semester of college when it was brand new at LMU. Because of this I have reconnected with some of the most unlikely people and really seem to be bringing old friends back into my life. Case in point: several girls I went to high school with and I have decided to form a book club. First we just gushed about how addictive the Twilight series is, but it seems like we're all looking for reading buddies and the kind of literary conversations we got to have in senior English class and haven't had anyone to do this with. I like this book club development for three reasons: 1) Reading for fun, not work, and on a consistent basis. 2) Reconnect with old friends - always fun. 3) Create NEW topics of conversation with old friends, an essential part or else it's just rehashing of high school dramas, reminiscing and old inside jokes and all of that can only last so long before it's just awkward. I'm optimistic right now, so let's hope this actually works the way I want it to.

Seriously Bad News

My gym is closing! This saddens me like whoa...* Mom and I finally had a pattern and were feeling really good about ourselves. I found a trainer I really like and am willing to be accountable to. Now our memberships are getting transferred to LA Fitness. I don't want to go to a meat market gym! Hrmph.

*I totally stole this line from someone who said it recently because it made me laugh.

Bravery/Necessity

It's been a recurring theme of late that anyone I tell that I've started the process to get a teaching job in the UK says something along the lines of, "Wow! That's so brave! I wish I had the courage to do that!" Now, I've already written my opinion on my own bravery and courage with regards to this little venture, but the thing I'm struck with at the moment is that applying for work outside the country is not so much brave and courageous but just plain necessary right now. Things are bad. Really bad. And at least for the next two years they don't look like they'll get better. I have faith that things will turn around with time, of course, but as an out-of-work teacher in a state with serious budget problems, my outlook for a job in a public school next year is bleak at best. And I just can't substitute for another year. I'm between long-term sub positions right now and I've only worked 2 days in the last 5 weeks. (2 weeks of that were winter break, but still...) I'll go crazy if I continue like this. Applying in the UK may seem outrageous to some but at the moment it's starting to feel more and more necessary. I'm not being outgoing, I'm doing what I need to do to keep my sanity. I'm a teacher and I need students - I'll go where I need to go if there's a guarantee of students to teach. Teaching is how I make myself whole as a person. There are no other options right now.

An Old Favorite

It still brings tears to my eyes every time...

..

New Favorite

..
I love finiding music in new places. Here is my new favorite favorite song. "Konstantine" by Something Corporate. It's long but worth it. It's on the soundtrack at the bottom of this page already but I love it too much not to call more attention to it.

It Starts Now

I'm sorry, but I had to steal this idea from Miss Teacher's blog, because it's just so perfect:

Former President Bush was inaugurated when I was only 17 and was just barely getting into the whole political awareness thing. My senior class vehemently argued over the candidates and the recount and everything that went on that year even though none of us really had any clue what we were talking about. Then September 11 happened and suddenly Pres. Bush was a hero. (huh?)

The last 8 years, my entire grown-up lifetime, I have been part of the minority. My government has made me feel like I should be ashamed to believe the things I believe. Somehow I was "unpatriotic" because I don't think an idiotic combination of war with some countries and isolation against others was a legitimate foreign policy. Somehow I was labeled as "unsympathetic to our troops" because I vote for peace. Somehow I became "morally wicked" because I identify myself as a liberal. Somehow "liberal" became a dirty word. I've felt frustrated and angry and misunderstood and demoralized. My beliefs were wrong and my opinions were futile. I watched in utter amazement as the President of my country - someone who is supposed to represent me and my fellow citezens - ruined our reputation worldwide, botched the English grammar I work so hard to convince my students matters, smirked when talking about body counts and refused to admit he had made so much as one mistake. And then I watched in awe as my fellow Americans inexplicably elected him again.

2009 is the new beginning I've been waiting for in many ways. After the December 2007 death of my dad (and the most important man in my life) 2008 was a year of adjustment and refocusing priorities. The first six months were all about loss and unwanted change, the second six months felt more hopeful. 2009 is a year of deciding what I really want in life and taking action to pursue those goals. I feel inspired now. I feel my country is finally on the same page as I am (besides the outrageous passage of Prop 8 in California, but that's another discussion). It's like the air shifted. Things changed around and within me. It's like my life will forever be separated by 2 dates - the day my dad died and the day my country elected a man of vision and hope. The time in between felt bleak in many ways. The time after (my trip to Argentina with Habitat, my new inspiration and courage to make Big Moves in my life) is new and exciting.

Now, when the President is on TV, I won't feel the need to change the channel to avoid nausea. Because he inspires me to do more. President Obama. From the first time I heard him speak I knew I would follow him for as long it took for him to become president. I am thrilled I didn't have to wait long. I have hope. I know the situation we're in as a nation is a perilous one. Nothing in the next few years is going to be easy and it will all take faith and patience. But I believe. This is a person who stands for the things I believe in. Diplomacy, conservation, integrity, responsibility, family, volunteerism, critical thinking, ... Will it be easier to teach my students to value those things when there are good role models on TV?