Daunting

New day, new struggle. I have now told far too many people that I have started work on a novel. (If I hadn't already told you, well, I guess now you know...) But getting back into the saddle of writing isn't quite as easy as I'd expected. You know that saying "it's like riding a bicycle..."? Well it turns out that does not apply to everything. I sit in front of my computer screen or with my journal and a pen and sometimes the words come out no problem. But other times... It's like picking my French Horn up after not playing for 7 years - both entirely familiar and entirely foreign.

I have overwhelmed myself now. I find the whole process daunting, to be honest, because I want so badly to do it well.

Problems I am faced with on the particular project I have chosen? There are several.

I have envisioned a sort of Sex in the City set in San Diego with 5 female characters based on the most consistent members of my book club. This puts my potential novel squarely in the "Chick Lit" category - a genre that is stereotypically formulaic and unrealistic. I can accept that to an extent, but since my characters are based on real people that I really care about I do not want to turn any of them into caricatures. However, the characters are still fiction and need to be separated from their real-life counterparts. But how much should be fiction, how much non-fiction?

Problem #1: How do I give the characters recognizable features of a real person without attributing every neurosis of that person to fiction?

Problem #2: Defining the scope and goals of the novel as a whole. Even in flitty, awful chick lit there are always a few key issues that are neatly wrapped up by the end. Right now I have a series of personality traits and singular events, but I'm still brainstorming the ways to pull those things together into one cohesive narrative. You can't sell a novel that is just a collection of random experiences between girlfriends, even if the dialog IS witty and insightful.

Problem #3: Defining each character's individual "voice" so that we don't overlap. So often in this type of novel the way that authors get around this problem is by categorizing their characters into predetermined archetypes - the bitch, the disapproving one, the pretty boy, the gay best friend, the slutty/flirtatious coworker. I really don't want my characters to be so superficial that someone could write a facebook quiz about them like they do about Sex in the City: "OMG! I'm such a Carrie!"

So I'm following the most common recommendation I've gotten so far: Read. Read everything in the genre. Readreadread. And now suddenly everything I would do normally has become "research." The characters go to the gym and the movies and out to clubs and bars and get hit on by ridiculous men and sexy men and nervous men. The characters make great decisions concerning their careers and stupid decisions concerning relationships. Or vice versa. They talk to each other - a lot. (Be on alert, oh girlfriends mine, my ears are perked up for good dialog.)

And now, sigh, I must return to either writing or reading and stop using my blog as an avoidance tool.

Summer = Unorganized Thoughts

Went to see Julie & Julia over the weekend, the movie about Julia Child and a fan who spent a year cooking all 500+ recipes in her cookbook over the course of one year and then wrote a blog about it. Best line from the movie: "I could write a blog. I have thoughts."

Also saw (500) Days of Summer twice in the past week. Completely head-over-heels in love with the movie. So real and sad and hopeful at the same time. I connected. I want Tom as my new boyfriend. And I wish I had the courage to do karaoke.

So far (no surprise) there are no prospects for teaching jobs this year. I'm not sure if the reason the England thing hasn't happened is because I have a weak resume or because the economic situation across the pond is just as difficult as it is here, maybe worse (I prefer to assume the latter option), but either way I'm not really disappointed. Moving is a big deal for me. I'm not going to pick up my whole life and leave my entire support system for just any job - it has to be a unique opportunity to grow.

I continue looking for teaching work close to home but the prospects are bleak. In the meantime I needed something to keep my head going so that I don't completely lose it, so I've started writing again. It's been interesting getting back into it after so long. It feels like reconnecting with a lost friend. I know how to do this - write a novel? I've done it before. But at the same time it feels entirely new and scary. I'm a different writer now because I'm a different person now. The expectations - both mine and others' - are different, higher somehow. When you write as a teenager, nobody really takes it seriously so if it's awful, that's okay. But I'm supposed to know what I'm doing now. Even though I majored in Literature, not writing, and even though I teach high schoolers how to read books, not write them.

Did a single build day with Habitat San Diego this week. It was nice to be on a build site again, nice to feel like I'm doing something helpful and productive, nice to have completely sore muscles for the next two days. But it wasn't the same. I have to do another global village trip. Soon.

Juliet

I was telling this story the other day and thought it would make a funny entry...

Last year when my 9th graders were reading Romeo and Juliet I had a student ask a rather peculiar question. We had read the scene including Romeo & Juliet's wedding during class the previous day and then watched a clip of the 1996 film with Leo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. My student, a 14-year-old girl, asked out of the blue, "Did they have condoms in Romeo and Juliet's time?"

Me: Excuse me?

Student: Did they have condoms back then?

Me: No, I don't think they did.

Student: So Juliet's pregnant.

Me: Excuse me?

Student: She's pregnant.

Me: Why do you say that?

Student: Well they had sex.

Me: Well it is not stated directly in the play, but they got married, yes, so we can assume...

Student: So she's pregnant.

It may be important to mention that I knew at the time that this particular student's mother had just had a large 30th birthday celebration (yes - do the math), so I wasn't exactly keen on telling her that people don't necessarily get pregnant every time they have sex, but what was I supposed to do? I definitely considered lying and saying that yes, Juliet was absolutely preggo and that just proves how important contraception is, but I think I settled on something along the lines of, "You should really discuss that with your health teacher when you see him tomorrow and we'll never really know about Juliet because she dies before anyone even knows she's married!"

Teenagers makes the strangest leaps of understanding...

Photoshoot

So my friend Mirelle is working on her professional photography portfolio. Cate and I are doing a photoshoot (along with another of Mirelle's friends) on Sunday so that she can practice. If all goes according to plan, afterwards I'll have pics of me looking as amazing as the following "inspiration" pieces. Wish us luck!

Theme Song for the Mood I'm In

Honestly not directed at anyone in particular. But still, the sentiment is right on. (On playlist at the bottom of this page!!)

"Nicest Thing" by Kate Nash

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.

I wish I was your favorite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanted know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

Look all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen.
And I wish that we could see if we could be something.
Yea I wish that we could see if we could be something.

Hawaii!!!

About the middle of June I got a text message from Cate (my newly reunited bestie from grades 7-12) asking if I wanted to go on a trip. She had 2 weeks of vacation to kill and I'm a (out-of-work) teacher. Always up for a chance to get away from home, I said sure. It took us about 14 days to book something, and about 10 days after that we were on a plane to Oahu. I literally have never spent less time preparing for a trip!

My requirements for this trip were:

#1. Spend most of our time relaxing (not sight-seeing or in museums/cathedrals)

#2. Lots of drinks with little umbrellas in them (substitute pineapple slices and we're good...)

#3. Fitness Center (a 4-hour roundtrip hike up a crater works, too)

#4. Beautiful scenery.

#5. Fun! Let's just be young and single and have fun!

It was awesome! We got up every morning, put on bathing suits and walked straight out of our hotel onto the beach. We lounged there until we couldn't stand the heat any longer, then moved to the cooler lounge chairs by the hotel pool. We went out to dinner, walked around, did whatever we felt like doing. We could go out dancing until 4 am or go back to the hotel at 11. It was fun and relaxing and everything I wanted to a random trip to Hawaii.

Eva is 3!

This is a bit late but still worth recognizing. For Eva's 3rd birthday (May 29) Sissy planned a party at Chuck E Cheese. I tried my hardest to convince her that we could put off starting this phase of our lives for one more year, but Eva likes it and that's what matters. Her favorite phrase of the day? "Come on now!" At which point mom or I or Sissy or whoever had to follow as Eva ran to whatever struck her fancy at that moment.

Happy 26!!

Yesterday was my 26th birthday. It's a bit surreal that I am now officially closer to 30 than to 20, but I'm trying to focus instead on my awesome friends and family and how great this past year has been for me as a person. To celebrate I had my first major birthday event since I turned 18. Here's a little sampler of what went down:

Colette & Ryan - one of my favorite couples ever!

me & Alicia

me & the trainer, Kirk - yes, the one who broke my wrists

Erin & Derrick