Seriously Bad News

My gym is closing! This saddens me like whoa...* Mom and I finally had a pattern and were feeling really good about ourselves. I found a trainer I really like and am willing to be accountable to. Now our memberships are getting transferred to LA Fitness. I don't want to go to a meat market gym! Hrmph.

*I totally stole this line from someone who said it recently because it made me laugh.

Bravery/Necessity

It's been a recurring theme of late that anyone I tell that I've started the process to get a teaching job in the UK says something along the lines of, "Wow! That's so brave! I wish I had the courage to do that!" Now, I've already written my opinion on my own bravery and courage with regards to this little venture, but the thing I'm struck with at the moment is that applying for work outside the country is not so much brave and courageous but just plain necessary right now. Things are bad. Really bad. And at least for the next two years they don't look like they'll get better. I have faith that things will turn around with time, of course, but as an out-of-work teacher in a state with serious budget problems, my outlook for a job in a public school next year is bleak at best. And I just can't substitute for another year. I'm between long-term sub positions right now and I've only worked 2 days in the last 5 weeks. (2 weeks of that were winter break, but still...) I'll go crazy if I continue like this. Applying in the UK may seem outrageous to some but at the moment it's starting to feel more and more necessary. I'm not being outgoing, I'm doing what I need to do to keep my sanity. I'm a teacher and I need students - I'll go where I need to go if there's a guarantee of students to teach. Teaching is how I make myself whole as a person. There are no other options right now.

An Old Favorite

It still brings tears to my eyes every time...

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New Favorite

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I love finiding music in new places. Here is my new favorite favorite song. "Konstantine" by Something Corporate. It's long but worth it. It's on the soundtrack at the bottom of this page already but I love it too much not to call more attention to it.

It Starts Now

I'm sorry, but I had to steal this idea from Miss Teacher's blog, because it's just so perfect:

Former President Bush was inaugurated when I was only 17 and was just barely getting into the whole political awareness thing. My senior class vehemently argued over the candidates and the recount and everything that went on that year even though none of us really had any clue what we were talking about. Then September 11 happened and suddenly Pres. Bush was a hero. (huh?)

The last 8 years, my entire grown-up lifetime, I have been part of the minority. My government has made me feel like I should be ashamed to believe the things I believe. Somehow I was "unpatriotic" because I don't think an idiotic combination of war with some countries and isolation against others was a legitimate foreign policy. Somehow I was labeled as "unsympathetic to our troops" because I vote for peace. Somehow I became "morally wicked" because I identify myself as a liberal. Somehow "liberal" became a dirty word. I've felt frustrated and angry and misunderstood and demoralized. My beliefs were wrong and my opinions were futile. I watched in utter amazement as the President of my country - someone who is supposed to represent me and my fellow citezens - ruined our reputation worldwide, botched the English grammar I work so hard to convince my students matters, smirked when talking about body counts and refused to admit he had made so much as one mistake. And then I watched in awe as my fellow Americans inexplicably elected him again.

2009 is the new beginning I've been waiting for in many ways. After the December 2007 death of my dad (and the most important man in my life) 2008 was a year of adjustment and refocusing priorities. The first six months were all about loss and unwanted change, the second six months felt more hopeful. 2009 is a year of deciding what I really want in life and taking action to pursue those goals. I feel inspired now. I feel my country is finally on the same page as I am (besides the outrageous passage of Prop 8 in California, but that's another discussion). It's like the air shifted. Things changed around and within me. It's like my life will forever be separated by 2 dates - the day my dad died and the day my country elected a man of vision and hope. The time in between felt bleak in many ways. The time after (my trip to Argentina with Habitat, my new inspiration and courage to make Big Moves in my life) is new and exciting.

Now, when the President is on TV, I won't feel the need to change the channel to avoid nausea. Because he inspires me to do more. President Obama. From the first time I heard him speak I knew I would follow him for as long it took for him to become president. I am thrilled I didn't have to wait long. I have hope. I know the situation we're in as a nation is a perilous one. Nothing in the next few years is going to be easy and it will all take faith and patience. But I believe. This is a person who stands for the things I believe in. Diplomacy, conservation, integrity, responsibility, family, volunteerism, critical thinking, ... Will it be easier to teach my students to value those things when there are good role models on TV?

What to Expect

Okay, so I have certain, er, apprehensions about making this move. So I've been trying to glean information about "what it's really like" to live in/travel to the UK from all the movies I know featuring British settings and/or characters. Here is what I've learned so far:

From Harry Potter: I will live/teach in a school that looks like a castle. My pupils will be mischievous in many ways, but generally respectful and eager to learn. If I have any disciplinary issues, I can summon Mr. Filch and he will send my students into the Forbidden Forest. The year will be exciting and eventful. I will eat all my meals with staff and students and will have no life outside of the social calendar of the school (this part is probably a little too close to the truth).

From The Holiday, Love Actually, Pride & Prejudice, Serendipity (there was a British character!), Notting Hill, P.S. I Love You, and Sliding Doors - When I arrive I will almost immediately be swept into a romance with an interesting, caring, and intelligent man (most likely English but according to the last two he could very well be Irish or Scottish). We will have our difficulties and probably split up for a bit because of certain obstacles (fame, misunderstandings, bad timing, career conflicts, distance). This will probably happen at about the time I go home for Christmas - perfect setting for me to be thinking about My Love and the mistakes we've made. Within a short period of time we will realize that we are wasting our lives by being apart. We will reunite in an elaborate and exciting stir of emotion, probably with a particularly sappy song playing in the background. We will live happily ever after, which, of course means he will move to the States.

From Possessions - same as above, but I will also get to solve a literary mystery. Exciting!

That is what I have so far. Things are definitely looking up for this trip. (Note: I am purposefully ignoring movies like Closer -  in which all of the characters end up mashed up and hurt by the end - and any movie in which one of the protagonists dies. Call it artistic license.)

Try Something New

Okay, so here I go. I have submitted my CV to Bluewave International and thus started the process of applying for teaching jobs in the UK for fall 2009. Eeek! The whole experience, starting just over a month ago with a silly idea that wouldn't go away, is both exhilarating and utterly terrifying. What am I getting myself into?

I've never considered myself adventurous, really, but since I've started slipping into conversation the idea that I may move away from everything and everyone I know to try to create a brand new life 8,000 miles away, most everyone has acted like they expected as much. Anyone I hoped would talk me out of it, hasn't. They keep using words like "brave," and "adventure," and "wonderful opportunity," and "exciting." Yes, the idea of combining my two passions - teaching and traveling - is all of these things, but it's also overwhelming and scary and absolutely the most risky thing I've ever considered doing.

So, blogging. I've been searching all over for some insight into what this decision could really mean for me. Many other Bluewave teachers have blogs, so I've been reading whatever I could find in an attempt to learn what it is really like to move to an entirely new place, work in an English school, live in the UK, teach British kids, be away from my entire support system, and survive. Some have been helpful, some funny, some both. But mostly I just don't see myself in the other writers. They aren't my age or they aren't close to their families like I am or they just enjoy moving to new places for kicks. I'm not like that. I don't like change. I've gotten better at dealing with it, but I don't enjoy going out of my comfort zone. The experiences I have with going to different countries for extended periods of time (Spain, Argentina) both involved flying alone (scary!) but being greeted by a group of people who all immediately became my very best friends. I had a schedule and a place to stay and meals and friends all as soon as I got off the plane. This wouldn't be like that. And all the bloggers out there just seem happy when they get off the plane. They seem excited and eager and not at all anxious. I think I'll feel lost and alone. For goodness sakes, I was so wound up with anxiety when I arrived in Spain that I threw up. And I practically burst into tears waiting for the Habitat affiliate in Argentina. So where's the how-to blog on how to deal with that? I think I may have to be the one to write it...