2009 Year in Review

If 2008 was a year characterized mostly by big change I did not choose nor want (Dad's death, losing my dream teaching job after just one year), 2009 has been a year of making new choices for changes I want. 2008 was a year of survival until my trip to Argentina for Habitat for Humanity. That trip in many ways gave me the release I needed to start a new life for myself, to decide what I really want in order to be happy. After 11 months of grief and disappointment, it was time to change my perspective.

In December/January, I was convinced that in order to be happy, I had to effectively traumatize myself out of my comfort zone by completely uprooting and moving to a new country. I thought that if I had the courage to move to England, I would come back with the confidence to find the life I really wanted here.

I had a lot of free time during those months (5 sub days in about 10 weeks...) and I used it to read, write, and generally figure out what exactly I envision for myself in the big picture. I read and re-read Eat, Pray, Love; He's Just Not That Into You; A Return to Love. I watched Oprah. I made a vision board. (If you don't have one, get one!) Slowly, I began to change the way I look at my own life, my own choices, my own attitude. I began to break out of the patterns that had kept me lock

ed in my house for nearly a year.

(The vision board includes my goals for my life in the areas of

romance/home, travel, teaching, world citizenship, family, and self.)

The goals for 2009?

1. Be happier with myself as a person.

2. Be more social.

3. Find ways to feel worthwhile and satisfied that are not related to employment.

At first I thought I had to go out and find new friends; a daunting and unpleasant prospect. In the meantime, I wanted to be more consistent about the friends I already had. My credential friends and I started having monthly "Diva Dinners" to catch up. I started a book club without having any idea of how beneficial it would be for me to reconnect with people from high school. How was I to know that having those people in my life again would accomplish my exact goal of "making new friends?" I didn't need *new* friends, I needed people who knew and understood me already. I needed the Divas and the Lady Longhorns.

A year ago, I would've expected to have entirely new friends, a new place to live, a completely new life at this point. Instead, I have old friends, a home filled with love and support and family, and a life I had all along but am so much happier to be living now. The bullet points of my life right now don't seem like much (unemployed 26-year-old who still lives at home and is rapidly running out of savings money to live on...), but in reality I am just so undeniably happy. I live with my best friend. I am friends with my sister and get to spend time with her regularly. I have a boyfriend who makes me feel confident and happy and excited. I have learned to be happy with the accomplishments of every day tasks, rather than feeling like a failure because I don't have the job I want. If this is my starting point, I can only hope that 2010 will be even better.

Wishing everyone the peace and hope and happiness I feel this season.

Find

I recently discovered a website called Swaptree.com where people can trade their books, CDs, and DVDs that they don't want anymore for someone else's that they do. It's awesome and I'm pretty stoked to have a new outlet for the books I read once, years ago, that are now just taking up limited bookshelf space. Now I can send them to a new home where they will be loved and in return I get not the $0.05 I would get from selling such things on Amazon.com, but a book, CD, or DVD I actually want. Awesome. (If you haven't seen this site, get on it. I'm addicted now.)

So I was trolling for books in my closet and I found a book of poetry I haven't looked at for years. I thought, sure, I can trade this for something else. But just as I was putting in the book's info on Swaptree, I noticed a few post-it bookmarks. At the first one I found this poem:

Why Do I Love You?

I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am

When I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what

You have made of yourself,

But for what

You are making of me.

I love you

For ignoring the possibilities

Of the fool in me

And for laying firm hold

Of the possibilities for good.

Why do I love you?

I love you

For closing your eyes

To the discords--

And for adding to the music in me

By worshipful listening.

I love you because you

Are helping me to make

Of the lumber of my life

Not a tavern

But a temple;

And out of the words

Of my every day

Not a reproach

But a song.

I love you

Because you have done

More than any creed

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a word,

Without a touch,

Without a sign.

You have done it

Just by being yourself.

After all

Perhaps that is what

Love means.

--Roy Croft.

Well, then. Maybe I won't get rid of this book just yet.

Road Trip: AZ

The week before Thanksgiving Joe and I had a first: our first road trip together for more than one night. We were warned that the stress of moving, of being a car for so long, and of being together literally 24/7 would cause us to argue and get on each other's nerves. Thankfully, that was not the case at all. As with most things involving Joe and I, the 6 days we spent in AZ were easy, fun, and pleasant. Here's a snapshot:

Friday - Sunday: Drive the UHaul from San Diego to Tempe and move Joe into his new apartment. The community is awesome and the location is convenient to everything he could possibly need. A moving truck isn't my favorite form of transportation, but it could've been a lot worse. We were happy everything fell into place as easily as it did.

Sunday-Monday: Travel to Tucson to spend a few days with Reanna, Jon and brand-new baby Charlotte ("The Bell Pepper"). Spend some time getting to know my newest niece. (The report to mom was something like, "She sleeps and cries. That's about all so far. I'll let you know if there's anything out of the ordinary.") Reanna and I go see New Moon, leave the boys home to watch hockey and Charlotte.

Tuesday: Reanna's birthday. A double date to The Melting Pot for one of the best meals I've had domestically in my life. This is the first double date I've had with my best friend in about 5 years and by far the easiest and most fun ever. All good things. Home to drink and play games. At least one of us is sober enough to feed the Bell Pepper in the middle of the night, but I'm not sure which one.

Wednesday: Joe and I return to Tempe to spend one more night setting up his apartment before he officially moves here full time for school. In the morning we head to the airport and back to San Diego to spend Thanksgiving with our families. We are thankful for each other and all the time we got together, for time spent with friends, and for a road trip with no drama. :)

An Orchard in the Desert?

In October Mom, Eva and I headed to Tucson to visit Reanna and Jon and check out their new home in Arizona. (The first pic is their backyard view; the second is the front of the house with Eva sitting neatly on the curb.) It was supposed to be the weekend of Reanna's baby shower but instead we got her all to ourselves and got to check out the sites nearby. Because we had the toddler, Jon and Reanna suggested a pumpkin patch and apple orchard where we could pick our own produce. What a great way to entertain a 3 year old!

No, Reanna is not hiding a pumpkin under her shirt.

There were all kinds of cool things for Eva to investigate. She wasn't quite as impressed by the sunflowers over her head as I thought she should be, though.

When we got to the orchard Eva immediately recognized that she was surrounded by food and did not understand why we wouldn't let her eat the apples she found on the ground. Try explaining that one to a 3 year old! It's food, she knows it's food, why can't she eat it??

Photoshoot: Version 2.0

I did two photoshoots with my photographer friend Mirelle over the summer. The first was with two other "models" and produced photos that were fierce, sexy, feisty, and looked nothing like how I see myself at all. We decided to do a second, more relaxed shoot at home in August. These are the results. Personally, I think I look a lot more like myself, but I've gotten conflicting reports from some of the people who know me best. Maybe those people are just used to ponytails and pajama pants...