Dear Universe,
It's not that I'm either devastated or shocked that I was not hired for the position I fulfilled these last few weeks. I was brought on as a substitute and was not entirely qualified for all parts of the position. I knew and accepted those conditions. It's not that I won't get over the sudden ache I feel because I had already started to fall for this batch of students, particularly the seniors, and already feel a tug when I think that I won't have a chance to say goodbye to them or see them develop this year. The position itself wasn't perfect or ideal.
I understand all of that.
I understand, too, that there is something better out there for me. Every inspirational quotation, encouragement card, and facebook response I've read has reminded me that you, Universe, must have a plan for me that I am unaware of. But I'm supposed to trust it. And Universe, I am really trying here.
I've applied and applied. I've waited and waited and waited. I've spent hours in the middle of countless nights panicking over the sizable dent my new car made in my savings account. I've woken up in a state of utter panic, wondering if I was wrong to turn down interviews for jobs that were not right for me. Jobs in cities I don't want to live in, teaching grade levels or in environments I am uncomfortable with. Maybe I was being arrogant or pretentious. Maybe this is what I get for thinking I was secure enough to pass up any opportunity for work. I don't know.
But you and me, Universe, we're supposed to be on the same side. I've had the same vision for my life since I was a very small child and I've worked toward making it a reality since I was about 11. I made choices based on these long term goals. Given, I no longer imagine wearing a pink tulle wedding gown, but much of the other stuff has kept. I've put in the time and work and sweat and tears and I'm waiting now, waiting for you to help me out. What's it going to take?
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